Mon, 8th April 2019.

Looking at my notebook, I started to read it, and decided, it deserves to be on this blog. So here it goes.

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"Know yourself!" If you strengthening your self-knowledge, you do not get so pulled around by feelings. If I think more and try to relate anything in my circumstance with my deepest will on being emotionally blithe could be accomplished, once I reach that thought, at that exact moment I become obviously doubt about the fulfilment of it.

It is particularly convenient to hear and to see the actualization of positive value and its realization, replacing the odd archaic value which has no correlation anymore with this modern life. The ancient value that can't be used anymore and it continuously produces the dilapidation in this world. There are many of them but not all archaic values are wrong.

If I am being super honest I extremely want to have super-ability to easily convince people without even trying and struggling, imagine if we have that kind of ability, we can give a perspective and share it to people to be understood and to be done as fast as it can. Especially those who have authority and great influence on others. So, influencing other people out there who are still disobeyed and less likely to understand can be accomplished. At least they can be aware about the matter of freedom of speech and free will. Particularly when one starts to talk about something which usually neglected in society called deep will and passion. Please, don't let us (mostly teenagers & semi-adults) suffer even more. Please deliberately feels and perceives about how society treats us.

Those expectations make our pressure even bigger, the belief that we have to make millions of money as fast as we can, go to the best university, get the damn job. If I can be honest we want those things too, without y'all yelling at us every day. We try. I swear we have already tried. We struggling, Tumbling, Scrambling, Moaning, Groaning, Grinding away, We are grinding away at our studies, hoping for the best outcome. We did that already. But please we need a process, just gives us time, success doesn't come magically at a day, we have to bathe with blood, sweat, and tears.

And I beg you all who don't even know a thing about me, stop making presumption. Im not like A im not like B as you have thought. Im more of a complex human being. If you don't even know my deepest story, mind your own, just don't replenish the toxicity for my self or even my life. There is no good thing in doing that in people's lives. So just shut your toxic mouth. By the way, I hate small talk which contains something personal, so don't accuse me of being too silent. I just can't cope with your silly chit chat, I don't have a fuckin time to deal with that. So maybe half of the people might think that Im rude.

I really hope everyone who feels the same way with me, who was born with this kind of personality, this kind of constant feeling in this side of us, we strong enough to face the paradigm of being unpleasant in the eyes of people who don't know us and least likely to understand us because no matter we thought how safe our circles are, even in our safest sanctuary, those kind of people still likely to find a way, coming through our door and greeting us. And I suddenly think 'can we eradicate the popular opinion based on what we only see and changes it into thinking more carefully, so the fulfilment of other is not hurted by us' can we?

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That's it, it's been 5 months since I wrote those on my notebook, there are many things which I want to share, but I still am battling with my self, hesitating whether this one or that one is proper to share...