Jane

Jane began to read those daily essays which were uploaded by her favourite institute. If she could remember, the title of the essay was on apologising to your child. She could genuinely perceive the purity of that writing successfully haunted her because of the emptiness of her feeling related to those. Jane was the kind of girl who would obey her parents no matter what. Despite her anger that sometimes uncontrollably blew up. What did you expect from her? She was just 19 years old girl who often argued with her mom, as usual, her mom liked to complain at the very smallest flaw Jane's had. When she felt it was too much she would retaliate those yells to her mama but not that bad cause she still had manners. Most of the times she just stayed silent and locked herself in her room when her mom started to babble. But this time she said to her mom,

"your tone, as well as the way you talk to me, Can you just fix that!? At least be more collected, so the way I reply to you is not this way, using this kind of high pitched voice, I'm tired also!" 

Boom. The yells became more intense and fervent. Her mom started to drag all of her bad habits which had no correlation with the topic they had argued the second moment ago. She was pissed off, then for a split second she became wordless, no one would ever win arguing with her mom including Jane. That memory suddenly stopped from her head and she was focusing again on the essay which she found. Right after she read all of the words in that essay, she was numb. It struck deep into her heart, then she said,

"extremely relatable, I almost cried, I wish my parents could say this to me, even just once." 

She headed up and pathetically joking around,

"it would never happen so, it's better that I just pretend those words were written for me from my parents"

Reality would always be a reality. She had clearly known those epic paragraphs would never be directed to her, particularly from her parents. She sighed then smiled afterwards, she came to the realisation that it was completely okay. No matter how annoying her mom was, she was still, the best mom in the world. The mom who could she relied on even though she was a little bit clueless at uttering her feeling and emotion. It became crystal clear where the hell did Jane have a hard time expressing her feelings also. She tended to bury her own emotion, just like her mother. She also had a complicated relationship with her dad. Her family was far from the word warm family. Even his dad wasn't like the usual dad who was interesting, enjoying to throw a dad joke and doing so many silly things to make his daughters laughed. Her dad was just like... her dad. There was no one like him, but she still loved him because her parents were the world from her. Sometimes her eyes rolled in jealousy, seeing the other family that would easily share any joy and sorrow. she once again wished, 

"I wish my dad has that kind of side, the funny and not so always serious all the time, maybe I'd grow differently and I could be more than this." 

And then she suddenly said,

"God! I'm terrible! I'm suck to have this kind of personality. I'd better die for a long time ago" 

She paused for a split second and continued her words, 

"oh shit. I just did it again I'm sorry God, why would I say those things and thought that way, I've sinned. Forgive me, God"

"The things is I should be grateful" 

then a yell suddenly threaded over her ears, it was her mom.

And that loop would've been repeating again and again.

-fin